The anecdotes associated with the country of the rising sun.02.10.2016 17:46
IBM decided to produce some items in Japan and in the specifications established acceptable quality level - 3 defective parts per 10,000. When IBM received the order, he was accompanied by the following letter:
"Ladies and gentlemen, we Japanese can not understand business practices in America. But we have included in every 10,000 parts three faulty parts and wrapped them separately. Hope you like it".
* * *
Two old women on the bench:
- That Russian guy is ruining? Women, vodka, stabbing...
- Tell me about it, Petrovna! But y them in Japan and how beautiful it is: geisha, sake, Hara-Kiri...
* * *
Required TV <a Horizon>, refrigerators <Biryusa>, any domestic cars in the Japanese room of laughter.
* * *
An elderly Japanese woman wondering how she likes her Russian son-in-law.
A good son - in-law. Attentive. Every morning he asks: "are You still alive, for fuck's sake?"
* * *
In the Soviet office had come to study Japanese. He came every morning to the service, politely bowed to the audience, spoke in Japanese, a certain phrase, then leaned to the table and worked until the end of the day. A month later, the Japanese left, and colleagues for a long time shaking my head in admiration: behold, they say, what Japan's tradition - every morning all to worship, a good word to say... the Director Decided this tradition to fix, called an interpreter and asked to translate the meaning of this magical phrase, but prettier - for internal, mean, use. And here's what happened:
"I'm sorry, gentlemen, that the terms of my contract do not allow me to participate in your strike."
* * *
Meet the Director of the Soviet and Japanese companies. Businesses produce exactly the same products and the same amounts. The Director of our factory asks:
- How many people do you have working?
Nine. And you?
Our actually five hundred, but he says:
The next day the Japanese said:
- Look, I've been thinking all night and I can not understand what you have that makes the tenth?
* * *
The Japanese decided to buy a Russian MIG. And we sell only the drawings. The Japanese called their designers and start to collect. Gathered, but it turned out steam train instead of an airplane. All in disbelief, saying how so? Picked up a new team, the best minds of the country of the rising sun. Those gather - again the engine.
Nothing to do, calling to Russia, our send a couple of drunks. Drunks came, they say: so and so, a box of vodka every day and in a week you have a MOMENT. They were shunned but the condition is fulfilled. After a week, take a look in the hangar of the MIG. Well, of course, direct questions - like, why we have a locomotive?
Alcoholics in response to: "Right, first locomotive and then napilnikom!"
* * *
The Japanese delegation comes on the car factory "KAMAZ". The conversation went about the tightness of the cabin.
Japanese: "We are so check the plant in the cab of a cat, holding her there for a day, the next day open. If the cat is dead, then everything is fine, and if not, then somewhere in the hole."
Our "Yes we have exactly the same plant on the day the cat is open, if dead, then everything is fine, but if it's not there, then the hole.
* * *
Ride in an Elevator with two Japanese, Georgian, Armenian and Azerbaijani. One Japanese second: "These Russians all look the same". (Based on a joke is a scene from the movie "Mimino", not included in the censored version of the picture)
* * *
There are two tape - Japanese and Soviet. Soviet says:
I heard the owner of a new cassette you bought?
- Give chew.
* * *
Yesterday was delivered to me by the Minister of foreign Affairs of Russia, which during a conversation with a Japanese delegation several times hinted about the return of the Kuril Islands.
* * *
Sergeant briefing before landing on an island occupied by the Japanese
- During the overcome of the coastal strip beware of sharks and barracudas. On the shore watching, don't step on a poisonous snake, many of them here. Do not pluck berries and fruits - can be poisoned. Do not drink water from local sources can be infected with dengue fever. Also, beware of predators and venomous insects. All clear, any questions?
- Yes, there is. Why do we have to win the Japanese this island?
* * *
Decided to organize a competition for the best toilet paper.
The Americans hit a button and they roll unwinds itself. All groaning, sighing. The French paper when used smells like "Chanel N5". All in amazement. Last come the Japanese and give the jury a pill. The jury is removed, some time back. All:
- Goes straight in the bag...
* * *
Is Russian at the Japanese airport. In both hands, gifts, equipment... running Toward Japanese. Pushed - Russian dropped the Luggage, everything broke. Yells: Hey! What have you done?! All broke me! Japanese: No problem! Here to you instead - and gives the Russian glasses. And he ran further. Russian put his glasses on - air hostess naked. Removed - dressed. Then put them on again - again naked. Put on chki - naked. All the way home and had fun. Coming home, walking down the street wearing glasses - all naked! Shoots - again dressed. Thinks: that's Japanese! Look what I've invented! Comes home with glasses - looking wife with some guy on the bed sitting naked. He takes off his glasses - naked. Gets naked. He takes off his glasses - still naked! Snap points on the floor!
- In a pancake! Eyes RUINED it!
* * *
Sent harsh Siberian peasants Japanese chainsaw. They decided to test it.
Put it on a plank.
Regan, said the Japanese chainsaw.
- Hm, - said the harsh Siberian peasants and laid a log.
- Urgic, said the Japanese chainsaw.
- Hmm, - said the harsh Siberian peasants and put the whole tree.
- Zzzzzzip - said the Japanese chainsaw.
- Hm-m-m, said the harsh Siberian peasants and put the steel scrap.
- Urggggggg-CRACK! said the Japanese chainsaw.
- Yeah-Ah! said the harsh Siberian peasants...
* * *
A reception in connection with the wires dear guests from Japan. All rank-rank, are sitting Japanese, Russian, drink, talk.
There is one Japanese guy in the back comes our friend, blue, well and begins to flirt: "Come outside!" Japanese rises, goes along with the Russian, from the hallway you hear a thud. Japanese as if nothing had happened comes back and says to the audience "Taco japonski statica - Karate", and the booze continues.
Fifteen minutes later, the corridor appears the same, a rather rumpled fellow, more drunk and dejected, and again comes to the Japanese and begins: "let's Go, let's go..." the Japanese man gets up, they go out, from the corridor hear a slight crunch. Japanese comeback and questioning the views of those present said, "Taco japonski statica - Aikido", sits down and continues his meal.
For the third time from the hallway appears limping compatriot, suitable for the Japanese and it all starts again. They go out from the corridor you hear a terrible roar... there is a Russian and with a triumphant expression on his face looks at the audience and slowly says: "Such a Japanese thing - the car from "Toyota"...
* * *
Came a rich Japanese businessman, look at Russia, where a contract to sign. Well, went, went, two weeks later to fly together. Everywhere the nose of secunty time, but no deals with anyone no-no. At the airport he takes an interview with our reporter.
J. - And what did You like most in Russia?
Ya - You Have gorgeous children!
J. - Well, except for kids, anything you like.
Ya Well You are just amazing, unique children, there are none anywhere!
J. - And yet, except for the children had anything???
Ya You Have a very good children. But hands you to not do anything.